Anxiety

I've learned in the short time Brandon has been in this trade, having your husband work as a power lineman can bring a lot of worry and anxiety.  It can completely consume your life if you let it.  I knew this was a dangerous job and I knew accidents can happen in a split second but I was never prepared for how I would handle it.  As you may remember some crew members got injured the week of our wedding in July.  Their lives were forever changed and I still pray for them and their families nightly.  What I didn't expect is how it would affect me.  I found myself so scared when Brandon would go to work.  I would lay in bed at night, praying for the safety of him and his crew and I would just cry because I couldn't imagine what I would do if he got hurt or worse.  He is my world and I was clinging on to him so tightly and it was emotionally crippling me each and every night.  I would hug him so tight and not want to let go.  Then I would worry myself sick with the what ifs, what if he gets cancer, what if I get cancer, what if he gets into a car accident.  I don't want to live without him.  I realized I was headed to a dark place and this is not how I wanted to live my life everyday.  I wanted to be so proud of my husband and enjoy the life we had together instead of being scared it would be taken away from me.  I went to Hastings and went directly to the self help/ psychology section to find a book to help me.  I found "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow.  I cannot say enough good things about this book.  It gave me EVERYTHING I needed to live for TODAY and enjoy this life we have! 

I think I have every page dog eared and writing in the margins all over the book.  Sometimes it just helps reading something in a book or online that makes it click and it completely changes your thinking.   The first thing I read was this : 

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather. 
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else
• Never compare your lot with another's
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
• Never Dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours. 

I love these, if you really think about them, break each one down and practice this in your daily life you would have a much less anxious heart.  My favorite one and the one that changed my thinking was the last one.  Never Dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's not ours.  That is all I was doing, worrying about tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or the next 20 years.  I was consumed with NOT having Brandon in my life instead of focusing on having him in my life today.  Now when I start to get worked up or think about what COULD happen, I just say "God, I am sorry I am trying to control things again, tomorrow is not mine, it is yours.  Whatever is in your plan will be, I am giving you my worry because I cannot control tomorrow, it is yours" I am not saying this book will change you over night, it didn't change me over night.  As I read this book though, I felt such a sense of relaxation.  Like everything would be ok and I would find peace.  Trusting in God and giving him your tomorrows and worries is something that takes time, a lot of time, a lifetime even.  I know there will be days when its harder and I don't trust Him as much as I should but all I can do is try each day and learn how to put my faith in Him.  

Hurricane Sandy is going to hit the East coast today.  I have all my extended family there and many friends have sent their linemen there already to restore power.  This can be a very anxious time,  I encourage you to pray, a lot, and give your tomorrows and worries to God.  He is listening.  I highly recommend this book, it has changed my life and I know it can help you too! 

"Let your hope make you glad.  Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying" Romans 12:12

"Faith: it does not make things easier it makes them possible" Luke 1:37